Meta stupid shit (stupid shit about stupid shit)

I used to call it “online marketing”. My wife called it “posting stupid shit on the internet”. After years of disagreement, I may have to possibly eventually perhaps concede: It may have been stupid shit. Possibly.

So, I took action (eventually).

Over the last month I have divested myself of the following stupid shit:

  • Two Reddit accounts
  • One Twitter account
  • One Ello account
  • One Pinterest account
  • One Findery account (former Pinwheel)
  • One blog
  • One website

I still occasionally post on, but rarely read:

  • LinkedIn
  • Google+

The shedding continues. On the chopping block:

  • Two (three?) Facebook pages
  • One (two?) blogs
  • This blog, unless it begins to pay for itself via ad clicks and Amazon purchases

I have also replaced an elaborate, CMS-driven business website with a one-pager.

So, less stupid shit == better ROI, right? Possibly. I’ll report here in a few months. Eventually.

To be continued…

Choose Your Ride — $8,000 vs. $20

A clever and visually effective campaign from the North Brunswick (New Jersey) Police Department compares the price (and other effects) of a DWI against the cost of a taxicab ride.

Choose Your Ride -- $8,000 vs. $20
Choose Your Ride — $8,000 vs. $20

Poll ‘Have you seen / are you planning to see “The Interview”?

Have you seen “The Interview”? Are you planning to?

Have you seen / are you planning to see "The Interview"?

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How to go viral on Twitter (hint: I haven’t got a clue)

I tweeted a joke about PDF. I thought it was funny. I thought maybe a few of my geogeek friends would get a chuckle out of it. Maybe it will get a few retweets. Maybe a few faves.

Two days later my “PDF joke” was seen by over a million people all over the world.

(l’o’l)

Twitter Analytics -- PDF joke -- one million impressions
Twitter Analytics — PDF joke — one million impressions

Lessons learned:

  1. Your tweet is not always about what you originally thought it was about. For over 90% of the people who reacted to it, my tweet was not about PDF — it was about religion.
  2. When something you post online gets seen by a million people, you are guaranteed to get an occasional unfriendly reaction.
  3. This is the second time an online piece of mine has gone viral (the first was my New Jersey gas station map in the aftermath of hurricane Sandy in 2012). I was totally caught by surprise both times, and still have no clue why it happened and how to replicate it.
  4. Nevertheless, I’m willing to listen to social media marketing consulting contract offers.

How to be cool

People often ask me: “A.T., how can I be more like you?”.[1] Easy! Be smart, charming, and funny. Have a healthy dose of self-deprecating humor. Most importantly, BUY A GEOHIPSTER T-SHIRT and wear it everywhere!

How to be cool -- wear a GeoHipster t-shirt everywhere
How to be cool — wear a GeoHipster t-shirt everywhere

So there, the secret’s out. You’ve got no excuse.


_


[1] No one, ever, actually

Lydia’s Story at the New Jersey Film Festival

Lydia’s Story is a short documentary — an intimate account of civil war, Nazi invasion, and the post-WWII American immigration experience. The story is told through the eyes of Lydia Rohowich Zakrewsky, who was born in Belorusia in 1929, and lives today in Milltown, New Jersey.

Lydia's Story at the New Jersey Film Festival
Lydia’s Story at the New Jersey Film Festival

The 30-minute film was produced, written, and directed by my friends Alex Zakrewsky and Heather Fenyk, and will be screened as part of the official selection at the New Jersey Film Festival on October 5, 2014. Come see it — you’ll be glad you did.

Disclosure: I was paid to develop the Lydia’s Story website.

A collection of absurdly-targeted web ads

This is a follow-up to my post “Marketers know everything about us! [SARCASM]”. The absurdly-targeted web ads just keep on coming, so I decided to start a collection and post some of them here. Most won’t need an explanation; I will provide one where I think it might be needed.

My small-but-growing collection includes: an Amazon ad for shoes I just bought from Amazon; a CafePress ad for t-shirts I am selling on CafePress; an ad for degrees for CIA officers; banner ads in languages I don’t understand, like Korean and Chinese.

LinkedIn astrologer professional connection suggestion
LinkedIn astrologer professional connection suggestion

COMMENTARY: LinkedIn thinks I may know and may want to connect professionally to a professional astrologer based in India.

Amazon Adidas shoe ad for shoes I just bought from Amazon
Amazon Adidas shoe ad for shoes I just bought from Amazon
Honda banner ads in Korean and Chinese
Honda banner ads in Korean and Chinese

COMMENTARY: I speak neither language

GeoHipster t-shirts from CafePress web ad
GeoHipster t-shirts from CafePress web ad

COMMENTARY: This is my product. I am selling these GeoHipster t-shirts. So the marketing “system” (not CafePress) is trying to get me to buy the product that I sell.

USAA understands MILITARY LIFE web ad
USAA understands MILITARY LIFE web ad

COMMENTARY: I was never in the US military, nor was anyone in my family.

DEGREES FOR CIA OFFICERS web ad
DEGREES FOR CIA OFFICERS web ad

COMMENTARY: I am not a CIA officer, obviously. If I were an undercover CIA officer, this ad would be even more inappropriate.

Comcast to customer: “You can check out any time you like, but you can never leave”

Why is Comcast like Hotel California? Because “You can check out any time you like, but you can never leave”.

Listen below to this pathetic, desperate Comcast service representative refusing to cancel a customer’s account. Which is why you should never, NEVER EVER become a Comcast customer in the first place.

There’s a bit of karmic irony in this story. Eight years ago (to the day!) a similar phone call made the rounds, in which an AOL customer tried in vain to cancel his AOL account. In today’s call the customer is no other than AOL Vice President of Product Ryan Block.