Category: humor

Comcast to customer: “You can check out any time you like, but you can never leave”

Why is Comcast like Hotel California? Because “You can check out any time you like, but you can never leave”.

Listen below to this pathetic, desperate Comcast service representative refusing to cancel a customer’s account. Which is why you should never, NEVER EVER become a Comcast customer in the first place.

There’s a bit of karmic irony in this story. Eight years ago (to the day!) a made the rounds, in which an AOL customer tried in vain to cancel his AOL account. In today’s call the customer is no other than .

 

Jurnalizm, the ABC way

How is this not like ?

In case you haven’t heard it yet, here’s the story: A “funnyman” tricks a US Olympic athlete into tweeting a fake video purporting to show a wolf on the loose in the athlete’s hotel in Sochi. The funnyman’s network (ABC) knows about the plan, but keeps mum. The story goes viral, as other legit news networks (NBC, CNN) report it as true. The funnyman goes “Sike!” ABC goes:”It is a piece of comedy.” Ha-ha!

Not everyone’s laughing.   and managing editor overseeing Olympics coverage:

“It wasn’t just that it was a potentially viral video. The news was that security may have been breached where the athletes stay. How did a wolf get into a place that was supposedly fortified? Was there a hole in the fence? Were there other weaknesses? How did it get past the guards? Was it even a wolf? These were all legitimate questions in the context of what has been reported about Sochi.”

In my opinion this “prank” goes well beyond stupid and irresponsible, into malicious and probably criminal. Confession: I am a little angrier than usual because I thought the story was true and shared it on social media as such. I am also no fan of ABC’s for other reasons.

Here’s the video:

John Cleese on the Dunning–Kruger effect

“If you are very very stupid, how can you possibly realize that you are very very stupid? You’d have to be relatively intelligent to realize how stupid you are.” –John Cleese, paraphrasing Cornell University professor David Dunning, after whom the  is named.

Bad British NFL commentary

This is quite funny. (via )

“This is the big one — the NFL semi-finals. Whoever wins this game goes through to the Super Bowl.

It’s Alabama vs. Notre Dame. Wow, a French team! Good luck to them.

Alabama make the Super Bowl and earn a bonus crystal in the process.”

What if Snapchat crashes Android on purpose?

Lemma: When observed reality doesn’t yield to conventional explanation, there exists a conspiracy theory that can tie it all together nicely.

My Snapchat started crashing and taking my device down with it on August 5, 2013 — the day my Google Nexus 4 phone updated itself to the Android 4.3 operating system (OS). Multiple OS and Snapchat application updates (and nearly five months) later, the phenomenon continues. Occasionally — seemingly randomly — Snapchat causes the device to crash and reboot.

I have written several blog posts about this. What boggles the mind isn’t the inconvenience of the situation. It is the totally inexplicable indifference towards the issue by Google — the maker of Android and of my Google Nexus 4 phone. Why doesn’t Google seem to care that a legit application can take down its operating system at will? Or is there more to the story?

Keanu Snapchat Android conspiracy

What if Snapchat has found a security hole in the Android operating system that Google can’t patch? What if Snapchat (which ) knows that it’s sitting on a gold mine? What if Snapchat is trying to extort from Google a lot more? What if there are other players involved? What if Snapchat is talking to other “buyers”? I can think of a few who would pay billions for the ability to crash any mobile device at will.

Just some food for thought during the holidays. I am tagging this with “humor” because, you know…

My final political commentary

After a long-time professional acquaintance reacted adversely to , I realized that it’s time for me to stop commenting publicly on political affairs. It’s bad for business. But before I make my exit, let me share what I’ve learned from the recent government shutdown debacle:

  • The country is clearly not being run by the people’s elected representatives. I don’t know by whom, but .
  • The forces that run the country clearly don’t have the American people’s best interests at heart. If they have hearts, that is.

So this is my final political commentary. From now on I’ll stick to dick jokes.

How to respond to graffiti

I give you two ways to respond to graffiti, both found on the twitters. You can either hire someone to remove the graffiti (left), or you can ironically embrace them and ironically turn them into an ironical piece of art. Ironically, of course. Or maybe sarcastically (right).

Two ways to respond to graffiti
Two ways to respond to graffiti

Here is a full transcript of the bathroom graffiti label:

Anonymous

Lincoln, NE. 1996

I Lack Creativity, 2011

sharpie on drywall: 35 x 48 cm

In an attempt to abandon aesthetics, I Lack Creativity by Anonymous showcases an antiquated hieroglyph that has remained unchanged since the late 70s. Here, Anon makes a fascinating plea to retard human evolution and remind us what it may have been like to use a public restroom in 1983.

Image sources: ;

PRISM and a Soviet-era joke

Generations of Eastern Europeans grew up with jokes like the one below. As a result, this Eastern European isn’t surprised in the slightest by the current PRISM “revelations” — just amused by the ensuing tempest in a teapot. Friends: Develop a sense of humor.

USSR, 1975: Arkady Ivanov travels on business. He must share a hotel room for the night with two strangers — Boris and Vadim. Arkady wants to sleep, but Boris and Vadim keep telling political jokes, laughing hysterically after each one, keeping Arkady awake. Arkady asks them to stop, Boris and Vadim won’t.

Arkady leaves the room to go to the bathroom (one on each floor), and asks the concierge: “Can you please bring some tea to room 307 in ten minutes?” Arkady returns to his room, and after a while leans into the ashtray and says: “This is Major Ivanov. Please bring tea to the room.” In a minute the concierge knocks on the door and brings in the tea.

Boris and Vadim look at each other, then at Arkady. Dead silence sets in. Arkady finally falls asleep.

Arkady wakes up next morning to see that Boris and Vadim are gone. “Where are the other two?” — he asks the concierge. “Oh, Major Ivanov took them. He was supposed to take you, too, but he liked your joke very much so he cut you a break this time.”